Rediscovering my roots. Heimweh stärker als je zuvor.

It's nice to feel that you're still there, although I had forgotten you for a very long time.

I didn't know but I have missed you. You, dear origins, are the best I have. Unique. 

Long time no see. But it's alright. You are no more by my  side.

One month away, and everything looks quite the same - but me.

But it's alright. You have your own way. And so it be again and again.

Don't wait for me. Don't ask for me. You are forever free. And so it be.

Try your best. This is no longer my quest. Rest and dream, my honey. Rest your senseless consciusness and dream about her - me - what I used to be.

Intensively dreaming about you.

Avoiding thinking of you.

Somehow unconsciousness lives again what has to be forgotten.

Stop appearing in my dreams. Now.

By the time you arrive, I'll be already gone.

One year ago I was forced to leave something on my way. That taught me how rapidly one thought can wake you up of a long sweet dream. And there were you, trying to hold on something which has been over. And there was I, trying not to think about what was falling apart. Away from home. Alone with my fears. Crying my soul out of me and closing my eyes so hard as if I were still in my dream.

And you disappeared. As fast as you arrived. 

And now you might realize that what you felt wrong is actually right and what you felt right is actually wrong. "It can't be so late to make things up again", you think. "It is nonsense to do things right again", I say.

Once two similar human beings sharing a life. Now two different bodies living apart. And so it be. Rage and sadness are exhausting. Shared memories are our burdens. They teach us where we stand and who we were. And they block somehow our future, too. Only if we wish that past dries us up. Only then, we are forgotten roots in a fruitful land.

Forget me. Erase me.

As long as you don't do it, I won't be able either. 

Stop popping up in my life.

You forced me to move on. Now you want to look back. No thanks, not with me. I won't play this game anymore. Not for you.

Still no words.

Memory deleted.

Don't search for me. I don't remember you anymore. I don't. I'm sure I don't. Really, I don't.

 

A little sunshine for a dark soul.

Give him a chance, maybe he's worth it.