Rediscovering my roots. Heimweh stärker als je zuvor.

It's nice to feel that you're still there, although I had forgotten you for a very long time.

I didn't know but I have missed you. You, dear origins, are the best I have. Unique. 

Long time no see. But it's alright. You are no more by my  side.

One month away, and everything looks quite the same - but me.

But it's alright. You have your own way. And so it be again and again.

Don't wait for me. Don't ask for me. You are forever free. And so it be.

Try your best. This is no longer my quest. Rest and dream, my honey. Rest your senseless consciusness and dream about her - me - what I used to be.

Intensively dreaming about you.

Avoiding thinking of you.

Somehow unconsciousness lives again what has to be forgotten.

Stop appearing in my dreams. Now.

By the time you arrive, I'll be already gone.

One year ago I was forced to leave something on my way. That taught me how rapidly one thought can wake you up of a long sweet dream. And there were you, trying to hold on something which has been over. And there was I, trying not to think about what was falling apart. Away from home. Alone with my fears. Crying my soul out of me and closing my eyes so hard as if I were still in my dream.

And you disappeared. As fast as you arrived. 

And now you might realize that what you felt wrong is actually right and what you felt right is actually wrong. "It can't be so late to make things up again", you think. "It is nonsense to do things right again", I say.

Once two similar human beings sharing a life. Now two different bodies living apart. And so it be. Rage and sadness are exhausting. Shared memories are our burdens. They teach us where we stand and who we were. And they block somehow our future, too. Only if we wish that past dries us up. Only then, we are forgotten roots in a fruitful land.

Forget me. Erase me.

As long as you don't do it, I won't be able either. 

Stop popping up in my life.

You forced me to move on. Now you want to look back. No thanks, not with me. I won't play this game anymore. Not for you.

Still no words.

Memory deleted.

Don't search for me. I don't remember you anymore. I don't. I'm sure I don't. Really, I don't.

 

A little sunshine for a dark soul.

Give him a chance, maybe he's worth it.

And NOW you need to talk?

I did for a couple of months. And I had to cope with the feeling no answers were to be expected.

Be a man and do the same. You don't deserve more than that.

And once a story starts, no puedes parar la inercia con la que ha empezado.

Und wenn du dich mittendrin fühlst, no hi ha volta enrera. I només et preguntes:

How long will I handle this?

Seré capaz de dar un paso adelante?

Werde ich treu zu meinem Ich bleiben?

Continuaré somiant en el futur negant la seva existència en el present?

Let it flow, my dear

Smell the coffee

close your eyes,

And hear the sound

When I come around..

Let it flow, my dear

Do not have any fear

When it's me the one who's here...

Life under construction

Don't send me a postcard from where you've been,

It doesn't matter how long no seen,

I'm just happy I don't feel

as I used to in my dream.

Enjoy the loneliness

Feel the caress

It will never be so less.

Just remember how to live.

I do.

Shining

It's very nice not having heard of you.

Actually.

The world keeps spinning around.

I thought, though, that would never be possible again.

Actually.

Now I see that I was wrong.

And I am glad I was mistaken.

Actually.

Nice not having heard of you.

Peace and quietness have the best soothing effect for the soul.

Let's not forget the time we had,

but keep going and going and going....

"Funny thing  about that is,

I was ready to give you my name.

Thought it was me and you baby,

And now it's just all a shame."

Can't you see?
It's all over now.

I wish I could say the same.
Maybe one day I'll feel alike,
when all fears are gone
when all tears have been cried,
when all ghosts have vanished.

Only then,
with my soul in my heart
with my heart in my soul
with my sorrow in the dark
with all memories erased
I would get a second chance to feel my heart full again.

Only then.
Only then.

Forget everything you have seen 'til now,

We should never have met,

I don't know how

But your sins I will never forget.

Can't you see

that you will never leave from my mind?

It does not matter how hard I try

Past catches me always on the run.

Stop.

I just want you far, far away

I just want you to stop appearing in my dreams

I just want you to forget me

I just want to leave in peace. Without you.

Is it so difficult to understand?

Photo by Xavier Arnaus

Oh dear,

this is not what I expected to find,

are you sure it is everything alright?

Don't come around,

don't prowl me around.

Be nice and forgive forget me

Let's make up and please leave my bed empty.

You dream too much.

You sleep too less.

The sun wakes up every day,

so do you, if you wanna stay.

Yet your soul still sleeps in another bed

And your mind cares for what I've said.

How nice would be to walk there again.

Maybe hand in hand?

That will never occur.

Still hanging up with your dreams? Yes

Still waiting for something better? Yes

Still willing a complete change? Of course

Why not the change? Because too much hangs on me...

[No colours today]

Sh! No thinking, no talking, no speaking.

A wave of anger and disappointment has taken over me.

Sh! Now I need my five minutes with the world.

You won't believe it, but I wish I would've stayed where I belong to.

Things would have been much easier, much normal, much dull.

Sh! No thinking, no talking, no speaking.

Just breathe and make up.

Només viure significa extreure la mera essència de la vida.

Només viure significa respirar, dormir, sobreviure.

Els somnis es converteixen en realitat i deixen lloc a un sentiment premonitori de por i angoixa recordant allò viscut i sobreviscut. Tira endavant, sí, però no et deixis portar altre cop per la màgica il·lusió de què algú t'espera. Sigues tu mateix contra el món. És la única solució.

[Just living means pulling out the mere essence of life.

Just living means breathing, sleeping, surviving.

Dreams become reality and they only leave space for premonitory feelings of fear and anxiety, reminding everything which has been lived and survived. Go ahead, yes, but don't let yourself to be carried away for the magic ilusion that somebody is waiting for you. Be yourself against the world. That's the only solution.]

I don't blame you.

I just don't understand how much a person can change.

With person I mean you.

Am I guilty for your change?

Am I guilty that you don't love me anymore?

How could you fall so deep 

when you have been so loved?

Mum, will I ever feel the warmth and the sweet caress again that I've lost on the way?

It could have been so wonderful...

Don't try to see how she is doing. I won't let you. It's still too painful to remember without digging in the whole once more. She wishes she could share all these thoughts with you, the moment she whispered how much she loves you. And she still does. You erased her. She's just an obituary.

Why can't you just disappear?

*sweet sigh*

Everything was a lie

Congratulations, my dear.

Today you fly and nothing will be like before.

Sleepless nights. Painful moments.

It wasn't worth to wait for you.

At least I hope you've found what you were looking for.

I'm feeling colourful today.

It's not a tweet, it's a statement.

Thank you for smiling at me.

After a bad dream

it's strange to see that the sun shines again.

I wonder how different our lives have been.

Time has shown how incomplete we were.

For another cycle in life, we ask,

it might come before we get rid of the old one.

So ist es fine.

Undo the miracles and enjoy the sun.

The sky cried exactly one year ago.

Now it has accepted the way life goes on.

Maybe I should do the same.

- "Put your shoes on. We are leaving to some place where nobody will find us."

- "And what if somebody do?"

- "We'll do as if we don't know each other anymore."

It's so cloudy in my head

that my words can't be spread,

maybe you will find the way out, my dear,

I hope you have no fear,

when you see I am much far away

than to admit that you'll never stay.

- "Magst du mit mir tanzen?"

- "I wish I could. No tango anymore."

- "Schade. So was sinnliches habe ich nie wieder erlebt."

Every morning I still feel so small...

I wish one could see my window from the other side of the river.

Maybe you will some day,

although time has been teaching me

I can't expect anything from you anymore.

Two persons in the same body.

Only time differentiates them.

Timespace has created two souls with the same face.

They will never get together again.

 

[I see ghosts prowling around me]

[I didn't think you could feel regretful...]

My soul is somehow more calm than two days ago.

Maybe it's true that you actually feel bad... 

Who knows?

"The wind brings past memories to the the present gestures"

How wonderful would be

If I could see

How time goes by

And you lay on my side.

I still feel your warmth.

I still hear your voice.

I still feel your presence in my back.

Everything just in dreams, my dear.

Wie traurig.

[How sad].

Photo by Viktor Petrow

I can't forget Shanghai.

Two sleepless nights in a row.

Strange dreams and strange thoughts.

Come on. New year, new life. 

That's what I've been repeating myself all the time.

Maybe it's the wind.

Maybe it's the location.

Maybe it's me.

I'm not sure I'll make it.

Memories are so deep, so vivid, so strong.

I'm sorry I'm not making it, my dear.